JIMMY OLSEN (2019)

"Jimmy Olsen must die! Wait, we're getting ahead of ourselves. Jimmy Olsen lives! Superman's best friend and Daily Planet photographer Jimmy Olsen tours the bizarre underbelly of the DC Universe in this new miniseries featuring death, destruction, giant turtles and more! It's a centuries-spanning whirlwind of weird that starts in Metropolis and ends in Gotham City. And then we kill Jimmy."

"Only Jimmy Olsen knows what Superman's secret superpowers truly are-and now those mysteries will finally be shared with you! And only you. Don't tell anyone. And Jimmy won't have any of his pal's super-abilities to help him get out of his latest jam as he hits the dark and dirty streets of Gotham City!"

"Dearly beloved, we have gathered here today in this catalog to remember our friend, Superman's pal, the late Jimmy Olsen...'s assassination decoy! Wait, somebody killed Jimmy's decoy body? But whodunit? And, like, whydunit? And wait, when did Jimmy get a decoy of himself? What we do know is it's not safe for Jimmy in the City of Tomorrow anymore, and with Superman busy and all (you read that SUPERMAN #15 solicit yet?), Jimmy's best bet is to solve his own murder within the safe borders of Gotham City! (Seriously, 'safe'?)"

"Whassup, nerds? It's yer favorite irresponsible blogger, Timmy Olsen! In this month's episode of 'Timmy's Bros,' someone requested we get Batman to crack who moidered that Daily Planet photo-hack, Jimmy Olsen. Like how many wheels does a guy have to steal off the Batmobile to get a Bat-dude's attention around here?"

"Jingles sell, Batman smells, A prank war goes astray, A Batmobile lost a wheel (literally), 'Cause Jimmy stole it from the valet!"

"Meanwhile, in Gotham City, the great Olsen/Batman prank war rages on. An old favorite returns to make heads or tails of just what the heck has been going on. Jimmy does some funny Fraction stuff. Batman is there, too, doing some Lieber stuff. Lex Luthor's kicking around. It's a whole thing."

"The doctor will see you now, Jimmy...and you, Jimmy, and you, and you, annnd you, too, Jimmy! How can there be five different Jimmy's, and how will our Jimmy handle keep the other four Jimmy's together without bursting into smithereens? Well, to answer that, Jimmy will first have to us about your mother. And what about your brother Jamie and sister Janey? Ah, yes, but how does that make you feel, Jimmy?"

"Ooh ooh, aah, aah-Jimmy see, Jimmy do! Jix and Jimmy go back to Gorilla City, where they had a one-night marriage-stand. (Don't believe it? Go reread Superman: Leviathan Rising #1!) Jimmy's sister Janie and Doc Mantel get to Gorilla City to warn Jimmy about what Doc saw in the future, only to find it's the attack of the 50-foot Jimmy! "

"Jimmy and Jix are on the run, pursued by an intergalactic death force that wants to break up their marriage by any means necessary. If they succeed in offing Jimmy, their prince regent plans to marry Jix and unite their warring empires but Jimmy Olsen's still busy trying to solve his own murder! (Or rather, his decoy corpse's murder.) It's a typical day for Superman's pal "

"Jimmy continues his world tour, risking his life for more of your sweet retweets, likes, and faves! Plus, the mastermind behind Jimmy's assassination is revealed and the insidious secret he's willing to kill for will upend everything everywhere forever, assuming by 'everything' you mean 'everything in the pages of just this comic.' Also...you've heard of Arm-Fall-Off-Boy? Get ready to meet the entire Fall-Off-Family. What connection do they have to all this nonsense? Probably not much, but hey, you never know."

"Hey, look-it's issue 11 of a 12-issue series, so it's the perfect jumping-on point for new readers! Mysteries get solved, criminals are revealed, and a secret ally emerges from the shadows. Want more? There are robots, aliens, and The Daily Planet faces a threat to its existence at the same moment the actual planet faces the same! Now's the time to get on board, guys!"

"Whoa - is that what I think it is? If I'm reading this solicitation text correctly, we made it to issue #12! Mazel tov! Party time! If you see Matt and Steve at the next convention, go buy them a drink because I have no idea how we made it this far! No, wait, I do - it's all thanks to you guys! In this final issue, with the Daily Planet on the ropes, Jimmy learns something about it that'll change everything forever."