Harley Quinn (2021)

"Ahem! You better read this closely, ’cause we’ve got a red-hot relaunch on our hands here—and I should know! Harley Quinn here to let everyone know that I got a brand-new monthly series here with a brand-new status quo. I’m coming back to Gotham City to make up for the sins of my past, and help the city recover from “The Joker War”! But there’s no welcoming committee waiting for me, your favorite Maid of Mischief! And between you and me, some real creeps are working to keep the city broken. We can’t let that happen, can we? Rising-star writer Stephanie Phillips, my new partner in crime, takes me into a bold new era with her partner in artistic crime Riley Rossmo, who I gotta say designed a real nice new costume for me. You’re not gonna wanna miss this one, folks!"

"Ya sure you wanna double down on this gimmick? Awright already—I’ll do it! Harley Quinn back again to tell ya that my mission to help heal Gotham City has already hit some bumps in the road. The awful Hugo Strange—psychiatrist, fitness freak, and expert on tiny glasses—is trying to deal with Gotham City’s clown problem, and get this! The city is endorsing him while everyone keeps giving me grief! The only person who believes in me is my new sidekick, Kevin. You’re going to find out some real dark stuff about him in this issue, too! We’re both going to have to keep our guard up, ’cuz Hugo has an army of creepy orderlies he’s about to send after us."

"Harley Quinn here, still narrating my solicit text! My war of wellness with Hugo Strange kicks into high gear this issue, and things are gonna get ugly. Hugo is about to send his right-hand man-child Lockwood, Arkham Asylum’s most sadistic guard, after Kevin and me at our first support group meeting. Folks, some things in this world are sacred, and I am not gonna stand for this. Hugo Strange never picked a fight with someone like me before, and he’s not going to like the results. Buy this issue, and pick up our gorgeous variant cover—it’s a real gem!"

"I may be in the sewer, but you better get your mind outta the gutter! That rhymin’ zombie known as Solomon Grundy ain’t happy that I’m in his domain (but to be fair...it’s also Killer Croc’s domain too, there’s a lotta sewer dwellers in Gotham). Grundy’s either going to welcome me with open arms or crush me! And I can’t let that happen, 'cause Kevin’s at the mercy of Hugo Strange. Hugo’s going to do everything in his power to break Kevin and turn him against me, I hope in our brief time together, Kevin’s learned a little perseverance! Don’t miss this one! We’ve got really great variant covers!"

Did I miss something, or is there another new creep in a funny costume tryin’ to take over Gotham? Villains in this city are like that multiheaded hydra monster: blow a few up in Arkham Asylum, and 50 more pop up in ridiculous costumes thinkin’ they’re worthy of one of those fancy character variant covers. And here I thought bustin’ outta Hugo Strange’s new headquarters and savin’ the clowns was gonna be my biggest problem today.

Yer pal Harley Quinn back again! Now, there might be a lot of new faces in Gotham, but it’s always nice to see an old friend. Okay, so Catwoman explicitly asked me not to call her my friend, but I know she secretly loves me under that tough, broody, leather-clad exterior. You’re not gonna wanna miss this one as we tangle with those boring Magistrate goons in Alleytown like a real dynamic duo! I smash a lot of stuff with my bat, and Selina does a bunch of flips and awesome things with her whip. She’s so cool.

Heya, folks, Harley Quinn here! In case you all haven’t noticed…things have been a little wild lately. Hugo Strange, out-of-control orderlies, kidnapped clowns, and a new villain named Keepsake…it’s a lot for any one former villain turned antihero turned real hero with impeccable fashion sense to handle. I’m talkin’ about ME if that wasn’t clear. With all the Fear State happening in Gotham, I thought it would be a good time to go on a little camping trip. But, turns out, Gotham is gonna be Gotham…Keepsake’s forming a new army, Hugo’s playin’ dress-up, and the city is literally tearing itself apart. This looks like a job for Harley Quinn, Kevin, and...the Gardener? Oh yeah, Bella’s in this one, too! I just love her little plant dogs!

Sorry, Harley’s not here right now, but this is her trusted sidekick Kevin, and I’m happy to be keeping watch over the streets of Gotham. The city’s gone a little crazy with the Magistrate’s forces cracking down. I just hope that Harley’s mission to Alley Town with Catwoman and the Gardener is successful in finding the missing piece of Poison Ivy that could be the very key to saving Gotham. In the meantime, I’ll help put fires out around Gotham…literally…and I might get some unexpected help in the process! Fear State part two continues here!

Harley Quinn here, reporting live from Fear State! And let me just say…I’ve jumped outta airplanes, faced down the baddest criminals in Gotham, thrown punches at Batman, and filed my own taxes without instructions from the IRS, but reuniting with Poison Ivy to try to save all of Gotham…? Let’s just say I’ve got a little anxiety. I’m only one well-dressed and overly verbal former psychologist turned heroic clown, after all. Which is why I’ve teamed with the Gotham City Sirens to take down Scarecrow and…wait…why is Keepsake here? This couldn’t just be an easy, straightforward mission, could it? I blame the writer…

You know those real cheesy rom-coms where two unlikely lovebirds lean in for the same book and knock heads in the poetry section of the school library and fall madly in love? Well, this story is nothing like that. For starters, Kevin met his new muse in the middle of Scarecrow attacking Gotham (how’s that for a meet-cute?). And second, despite his planning the most perfect and romantic date night with Ivy, it seems like she might have something else on her mind. Love is in the air—errr, wait…that might be toxic gas…this is Gotham!

A train leaves for Gotham at eight p.m. averaging 80 miles per hour, carrying one very dramatic villain named Keepsake, a bomb strapped to the engine, and me…Harley Quinn! One track leads straight to Gotham Central Station, where hundreds of lives are at risk, but the other track…that one leads to my best friend and sidekick, Kevin. Sacrifice the one to save the many? I hate that Philosophy 101 crap, and I’m really starting to hate trains.

If Superman had to deal with a bomb on a runaway train barreling toward Gotham, he’d just throw the whole thing into outer space like a football. Zatanna would do some cool magic thing. Aquaman would, like, summon an army of bomb-defusing dolphins or something. But I’m Harley Quinn…and I can’t do any of those things. So how am I gonna defuse the bomb, save Kevin, and stop Keepsake from destroying Gotham? Well...I’m workin’ on it, okay? Don’t rush me! But I’ve definitely, certainly, without a doubt got it handled. Probably.

It’s a whole new year of me, Harley Quinn! I’ve learned the ins and outs of Gotham’s lovely sewage system, and I’ve even made some unexpected friends along the way. I mean, except for one very murderous new vigilante roaming the streets, a new homicide detective convinced I’m the killer, and the acclaimed Spice World (1997) film not being on a single streaming platform. Other than that...totally fine. Year two starts here with a new arc...brand new characters...and some all-too-familiar faces from my past who maybe aren’t so happy to see me.

I’m innocent, I tell ya! I might currently be stuck in Blackgate Penitentiary for multiple homicides thanks to a growing body of evidence that points right to me, Harley Quinn, as the murderer…but for once it was not Harley Quinn in the alley with the baseball bat. Someone’s obviously tryin’ to frame me, and I gotta figure out who and why if I wanna clear my name before I end up spendin’ the rest of my days behind bars with a buncha ladies who really don’t seem thrilled that I’m here. Not to mention I look terrible in orange…

They really tried to throw me in prison for somethin’ I didn’t do! I mean, this time I didn’t do anything. In the past, I did things. Lots of things...But that’s not the point. The point is, I’m innocent! It’s a frame job, I tell ya! The only way out of this is to catch the real culprit, and for that I need Batwoman. Seriously, who doesn’t need Batwoman? Skintight suit, mucho muscles, and that hair! Anyways, Batwoman’s in this one, and we might finally reveal Verdict’s true identity! Will the mystery be solved in time to save my good name? DUN DUN DUN!

You know how the whole villain origin story is usually about the one bad day that changed everything? I think it’s Tuesday most of the time. But what if it’s, like, a lot of bad days, and some of them were even caused by me, Harley Quinn? Well, that would be a recipe for one pretty bad villain, right? The secret origin story of a brutal new villain, Verdict, is revealed here! Though I guess it won’t be very secret once we reveal it, huh?

It’s the moment we’ve been building toward for months! The rumble in the jungle! But actually in Gotham, because we’re not in the jungle. It’s the throwdown showdown between me, your hyper-verbal, semi-reformed former villain, and Verdict, the violent vigilante vowing to have vengeance on…well, everybody! Can I clear my name after being locked up for a crime I didn’t commit?

One small step for the Gotham villains, one giant leap for clown-kind! That’s right…this fashionably vocal clown is headed to space. Turns out there’s some old experiment left in the JLA moon base, and Luke Fox has put together a team of former villains to help clean up the mess. Sendin’ a buncha villains to the moon…? What could go right? Join me, Killer Frost, Bronze Tiger, Solomon Grundy, and more as we learn to moonwalk and put the X in Task Force XX!

Clown’s log, stardate 2022. Our mission is going perfectly, as long as you ignore that missile that the U.S. military launched at our spacecraft; the mysterious, unknown creature running wild on the JLA moon base; and Solomon Grundy losing his lunch all over Bronze Tiger. So, other than all that…things are great! So, hey, this Harley Quinn event sure is rocketing forward! Space puns, dead ahead!

I went to the moon to eat cheese and fight aliens…and I’m all outta cheese. Actually, there wasn’t any cheese. I think that’s a myth…but aliens, hooo boy, do we have aliens! Horace Reginald Giger would be proud! What? No…I’m positive that’s what H.R. stands for. Anyway, this alien-monster-thing might not get a chance to devour Task Force XX, because we’re probably gonna kill each other first. What’d you expect, sendin’ a buncha angry villains to space without any cheese? I warned ya! The Harley Quinn and Task Force XX space event you’ve always needed continues here. Cheese not included.

Nuke it from orbit…is what we shoulda done to this whole entire moon. Who needs a moon anyway? I blame Luke Fox for sending a team of villains into space to fight a horrific alien monster in the first place. Obviously, that was just never going to work out well. Has Luke ever seen a sci-fi movie? And now you’re expectin’ me to save Earth with just my super-awesome-mallet-ofalien-skull-crashing-madness™? Okay, you asked for it…

THE QUINN IS DEAD! LONG LIVE THE QUINN! I get killed in this one...for real! Dead. Deceased. Former. Late. Pushing up daisies. Somebody needs to solve my murder, and since I don't see Sherlock Holmes or Hercule Poirot around, I guess that'll have to be me. Though, since I'm dead...there are certain hurdles to overcome. The Harley-est, wildest arc starts right here...get ready for murder, Multiversal mischief, and more guest appearances, with Stephanie Phillips and new Harley Quinn artist Matteo Lolli!

Y'know, bein' dead is just like ridin' a bike. There's a big white light, and then Prince shows up and offers you a chance to host a house party in the clouds with Marilyn Monroe and Abraham Lincoln. Then suddenly you're brought back to life in a pit of goopy green snot, and you have to find the person who was rude enough to shoot and kill you. To make things even better...turns out that comin' back to life could have some serious unintended consequences!

Like the old Russian proverb says, if you wanna catch a killer, kidnap a different killer and force them to walk you through their process until you eventually find the person who murdered you in cold blood on your newly renovated Gotham ferry...point is, I'm makin' Victor Zsasz help with my murder mystery and this Sherlock and reluctant Watson are about to blow the doors wide open on some universe-alterin' shenanigans. Plus, Bud and Lou get belly rubs, I lose my deposit on a fog machine I rented, and my killer is revealed!

There can be only one Harley Quinn...or, ya know, maybe like 100? The Multiverse is a strange place. Old Lady Harley, Harley Who Laughs, Harley who joined a bowling league in Indiana for the free chicken wings...we've got the whole gang together and we're ready to put the fun in this Multiversal murder mystery, and maybe also cause more murder with a side of mayhem. Join the team for an epic 25th issue of Harley Quinn!

What's fifty Harley Quinns from all over the Multiverse plus one interdimensional murderer hell-bent on killing all of the aforementioned Harleys, divided by two very hungry hyenas, all to the power of Kevin...? 23. Obviously. But, also, a really weird way to spend your weekend. Nothing like meeting yourself 49 times to give you a real good existential crisis! I'm not one for self-doubt and all that...but it's hard not to be at least a little jealous of mermaid Harley.

This is it, folks...we have to drop the Multiversal counterbalance serum at the center of the photon disruption before the imminent collapse of the entire Multiverse...JUST KIDDING. But could you imagine if that was how this story ended? Noooo thanks. We're gonna save the world the ol-fashioned way—with a large undead zombie, 50-80 Harleys from other universes, Kevin, and POISON IVY!

Ever have one of those days where ya just can't catch a break? A day where you're really trying not to get into trouble while your girlfriend is out of town, but then some jerk attacks you at brunch, you get arrested for some teensy-weensy property damage, and you're sentenced to community service? Why, I tell you, it's enough to make a gal start seein' cartoon fishies every which way and such! Also featuring a very special in-continuity dream of Harley Quinn starring, you guessed it, moi, in the role of a lifetime—the magical-girl-clown protector of Gotham City!

This just in, ya gal's been cursed! And now she's gotta use magic and travel the Multiverse and deal with...cartoon fish and higher beings? What in the Earth-6 is going on?! Not to mention, I still got my court-mandated community service, and Two-Face and his goons just won't leave ya girl alone. Someone's gotta teach 'em a lesson--and I'm not just sayin' that cuz I'm a professor! Also featuring another very special in-continuity dream of Harley Quinn as told by the two individuals who know me bestest of all...my hyenas, Bud and Lou!

Here I am in the midst of a veritable midlife extradimensional existential crisis of epic proportions, and if that's not bad enough...I got a giant, bloodthirsty, killer anthropo-whatsit rabbit man with a big ol' carrot-shaped axe to grind after me. Good thing I got my hyena spiritual advisors, Bud and Lou, to guide me on this fiendish foray into a frenzy of ferocious furballs. Plus: the introduction of my very own cosmic workout gear that is in no way an infringement on the Flash's intellectual property. Also, in this month's In-Continuity Dreams of Harley Quinn, we've cooked up a real doozy for ya! It's got swords, armor, fair maidens, and more side quests than you can shake your tuchus at!

Well, here I am trying to convince this talking rabbit not to kill...wait. What?! Ivy's home?! Aw crap--I gotta clean up the apartment and hide all the plants I ruined. Maybe I should hire a bunch of sexy apartment cleaners? Eh, Ivy would probably want to be here for that... Okay, it's up to you, Bud and Lou! Eat all the trash! Go, go, go, go, my babies! Plus, it's the anime event of the century as I dream about my life as the protagonist of a mecha story! Time ta get in the freakin' robot!

KNIGHT TERRORS FOLLOWS HARLEY INTO THE WAKING WORLD! Ahoy! I've returned from Knight Terrors fresh-faced and well rested--Oh jeez! Looks like my new friend/interdimensional monarch who's totally still threatening to murder my world at the drop of a hat Lady Quark is back, and she's bearing gifts pulled straight from the deep recesses of Knight Terrors! But I got a class to teach and finals to prepare them for! Looks like we're taking this show...on the road! Ahhh, thee children o' da night, what terrible music they make. Sam Maggs and Kelley Jones tell the true story of the time I got proposed to by a nasty old perv in a castle. Don't worry, me and Ives are gonna give 'im what for!

TINI HOWARD & SWEENEY BOO'S ACCLAIMED RUN CONTINUES, PLUS A SPECIAL HALLOWEEN STORY! Big ears, even bigger feet, big cartoon peepers. I'd know this dame anywhere. It was me and I was dead and a dang ol' bunny rabbit! Oh no, not again!!! As if moonlighting as a community college professor wasn't time-consuming enough, I decide to dip my pinkie toes into the metaphysical private investigation game...all while babysitting a literal princess! Good thing I am not at all stressed out by my life. PLUS: Get ready for a special Halloween story cooked up by my pals Gretchen Felker-Martin and Hayden Sherman that's sure to make your skin crawl so hard it tears itself right off yer body.

Cleanup on aisle Earth-0! As if playing detective fer my own murder ain't bad enough, now I'm also on janitorial and princess-babysitter duty?! I just can't seem ta catch a dang ol' break! Hopefully I can mop up some clues along the way and get to the bottom of who's been out fer my precious clown blood! Plus, my childhood best friends Grace Ellis and Steve Lieber recount the true story of th' time I got trapped inside of...a comic book!

Freshly washed but just as emotionally messy--I'm ready to finally solve THE CASE OF WHO THE #&$@ HAS BEEN SCREWING WITH ME!!! Now I've just got to round up a crew of butt-kickin' individuals to help me go kick some multidimensional space butt in time for me to come home to my beautiful Pammy! Plus, my first cousins twice removed Hannah Rose May and Leomacs tell the gut-bustin' story of how I traveled to a lost city of dinosaurs in search of a mysterious treasure! Snap that quip!

BEEP BORP. HARLEYTRON-666 REPORTING FOR DOODIE. Jus' kiddin', kittens! It's me, ya gorl, Harleen Eucalyptus Tree Quinzel, alive and kicking. Speaking of kicking, I'm fighting for my life over here against Brother Eye and his dang O.M.A.C.s! Maybe you could help a gal out and lend some muscle of your own? How about it? Oh yeah, also my estranged siblings Alexis Quasarano and Steve Beach are getting out their buttslayer greatswords and axes to tell the ab-rippling tale of HARLEY THE BARBARIAN.

Honka honka! That nogoodnik Brother Eye has soured my reputation across the whole dang multiverse and it's gonna take me, myself, and I to put things right. Join me, Tini, Sweeney, and a panoply of clown girl artist extraordinaires as we go across the clowniverse! If you don’t buy this comic then my lawyer P.P. Thompson is gonna sue you!!!! Plus: In 1999 two teenagers went into the woods with a video camera and my twin sister Erica Henderson came out of the woods with a comic book about me that’s got real four-quadrant appeal (I wanted ta make a pun usin' a word for butts instead of appeal but the lady who's forcing me to write these told me not to).

Rub the sleep outta yer eyebulbs, ya lazy berks! It's the start of a whole new arc of my book, and it's off to a bang! After dealing with multiversal shenanigans for so long, a girl has got to get back to her roots (by which I mean taking her nontalking hyenas on walkies, bagging up their poops, and then having a superbo birthday party with her girlfriend and best pals). It’s the start of a whole new arc! Plus-ola: You like cartoons? I'll give ya some dang goshed toonz! My disbarred personal trainers Brandt & Stein present the Troo Harleywood StoryTM of th' time I got embroiled in a battle of wills and wits with Gotham's foremost high-flyin' kite aficionado Kite-Man!

Hey, Puddin'! Meet the new and improved Harley Quinn SUPER-VILLAIN FOR HIRE. THAT'S RIGHT, YOU JABRONIS I'M BACK AND I'M BUSTIN' HEADS. Okay, just between you and me though, this is all part of a secret plan I got going to study some of Gotham's worst, up close and personally. Think of it as an anthropologic study and don't get your brain all flustered. Plus: Zip! Pow! Xoinko! Feast your eyes on my interstellar delights as yer girl takes a trip into outer space to hang with star babes and slay some serious outer space stinkers brought to you by my great-grousemother Erica Henderson!

Driving laws, etiquette, common sense? WHO NEEDS 'EM. Dat's right, you finks! I'm continuing my greatest higher education-motivated research assignment to date--being bad! And if that wasn't enough GETTING SCHOOLED for ya in one issue, my collegiate best friends for life forever and always, Grace Ellis and Hannah Templer, have joined forces to tell the true story of the time I dreamed I was sent back ta school! You'll be calling me Harley Dangerfield by the end of this one on account of all the respect yer gonna be giving me!

There ain't nothin' like villainy! The sweet sound'a bank alarms, the wind blow'n through yer hair in a stolen car, not ta mention the discounts ya get buying bang flags in bulk--but every now'n'again, the sweet candy of crime has one heck of a sugar crash! I've gone and got myself noticed by some cold-hearted types--here's ta hopin' I don't get ICED! But don't ya dare think that's all! We also got a tale of a nightmare that RUINED my sleep the day before I took my driver's license photo, as told by two real cool folks who did NOT like talkin' ta me at the DMV--Gretchen Felker-Martin and Dani!

Let's be honest; I ain't always the easiest ta get along with. Hey, don't agree so fast! You ain't exactly the bee's knees yerself! Okay, where was I--oh yeah, ON THE RUN! My scientific study on villainous villains has gone all KINDS of wrong, and I've made myself a whole lotta enemies in a real short time: Mistah Freeze! Robin! And worst of all, this new cop Pulaski, who's got a target aimed smack dab at my head. Don't shoot my head, Pulaski! I LOVE my head! And assumin' Pulaski doesn't shoot my lovely head, step inside it for a lovely story about the power of readin' books and why burnin' em is no good (TERRIBLY inefficient as a fuel source)--as brought to you by the librarians who keep kickin' me out of the video section--Joanne Starer and Marcial Toledano Vargas!

CAN HARLEY ICE OUT MR. FREEZE? OR WILL GOTHAM BE LEFT OUT IN THE COLD? Brrr! My buns are freezin' off! With the threat of Gotham City being buried under five hundred metric tons of ice, your ol' pal Harley Quinn (me!) has no choice but to face down against both the icecube lickingest bad dood to ever live, Mr. Freeze, and the devious Bat-family-hating Officer Pulaski! Can't a Clown Queen of Crime catch a break?! Alls I want to do is set things right before the citizens of Gotham are turned into icy-cles. Plus, I got one last dream to share with ya before these jabronis start pumping my brain with coffee 24/7 and it's A JUICY ONE! That's right, back by popular demand, MORE BEEFCAKE BARBARIAN QUEEN HARLEY by Alexis Quasarano and this time she's joined by da Fellspyre Chronicles' own Riccardo Federici!

NO MORE MS. NICE HARLEY - THE CLOWN QUEEN OF CRIME IS BACK! The big wigs here at DC want me to be a bit clearer in these snooze-licit texts so here goes nuttin'. Begin the prewritten statement! Ahem. When Harley Quinn discovers her favorite dangerous neighborhood in Gotham City, Throatcut Hill, has been gentrified beyond recognition, she breaks bad and sets out on a one clown-woman mission to make Gotham City safe for crime again! Wow! I couldn't have said it better myself, and luckily, I won't have to, thanks to the excellent work of my new creative team, Elliott Kalan (The Flop House, Mystery Science Theater 3000) and Mindy Lee (Bounty, Harley Quinn: Everybody Hates Side Quests).

ATTENTION RESIDENTS OF THROATCUTTER HILL! Art! Since the dawn of humanity, we have found emotional, spiritual, and even intellectual meaning through the visual arts. But sometimes...even art can suck real, real bad. Is a soulless and aesthetically meritless corporate statue ruining your view of a perfectly good park full of uncollected trash and dead rats? That's where I come in--Hello, I'm Harley Quinn. Recently, I launched my latest business venture, the Harley Quinn Destructive Agency. My goal is simple: if there's something you need blown up, if you need somebody clobbered, if there's anything I can do to make Throatcutter Hill a more dangerous place again--I'll do it. My rates are reasonable! And for an introductory price of $3.99 you can witness me beat the crud out of a corpo superhero! You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll slap your thigh! So what are you waiting for? Call your local comics store, and be sure to order a copy of Harley Quinn #45 today!

BEEP BEEP! OUTTA THE WAY! HARLEY'S DRIVIN' HERE! Laddies and Gentlegirls, are your engines burning for violence, malfeasance, and mayhammery? Look no further than this issue of Harley Quinn (available for preorder right now)! I, Imperator Harleyiosa, acting as the agent of the Council of Aggrieved Local Retailers of Throatcutter Hill, have placed an embargo on all internet purchases in our disgusting little corner of Gotham City henceforth. No more will convenient internet retailers flood our streets with their express-mail trucks and fill our recycling bins with empty cardboard boxes! Embargoed! Watch out, 'cause I got some serious road rage I can't wait to unleash! Set wheel in here, and I'm gonna blow up your truck!

WHEN THE MUD HITS YOUR EYE LIKE A GREAT EARTHEN PIE, THAT'S A-CLAYFACE! Clayface is having a (dinner) party, and everybody's invited...as long as their name is Clayface! We've got all the Clayfaces in here--Basil, Matt, Sondra, Preston, Cassius, Spanky, Alfalfa, Stymie, even Clownface (remember Clownface?)! My latest Destruction Agency case brings me face-to-face with Clayface as I crash and burn the ultimate muck-filled family reunion harder than Aunt Ethel's overcooked brisket at last year's Passover seder! Oh yeah, and somebody's gonna die in this one.

OINK OINK! PUT YOUR DIRTY LITTLE TROTTERS TOGETHER FOR PROFESSOR PYG! Somebody ruined my perfect date night!!!! Professor Pyg here, Gotham City's most sensual and available bachelor. I regret to inform you that my one true love, Harley Quinn, has left my heart spurned and abused. Well, I simply can't have that, so I'm going to do what any maladjusted individual would do and throw a fit in the swamp! Try having a nice time with Poison Ivy now! In fact, you know what? Get lost, Poison Ivy! Harley Quinn's got a new hubby, and he has a perfect piggy nose!!!!! Let’s get sick together!!!!!!!

HARLEY HANGS WITH AMYGDALA! This issue is chock-full of my pal Amygdala, so I've asked him to tell you about it in his own words: Rich lady tell Amygdala hit clown lady. Amygdala hit clown lady. Clown lady hit Amygdala on head but he not feel owie. Amygdala hit back. Bad dogs bite Amygdala too but no feel owie. Everyone fight. You buy?

GET READY TO MEET THE GUNBUDDIES! Bang bang bang! Introducing the soon-to-be DC Comics sensation--the Gunbuddies! They love each other almost as much as they love guns! Take it from me, everybody wants a piece of Harley Quinn--including my own brain! Can the Clown Queen of Crime (me) dodge assassination attempts, navigate the responsibilities of being part of a neighborhood party planning committee, and come to terms with my own super-superego all in time to not have a surprise aneurism all over the floor of my favorite bodega?

CLOWN VERSUS BRAIN VERSUS GUNBUDDIES! Long has humanity wondered who would win in a battle between impulsive clown, giant sentient brain, and two gun-loving best buddies. Look no further! As of May 2025, the results are in! So, uhhh, order this comic now if you want to see who wins. It's time to go on safari!!!!! Also: some real racy stuff happens! Bring your fire-resistant jumpers, 'cause it's about to get hot!

PERIL PROLIFERATES AS PORTABLE PHONE POWER PARAPHERNALIA PROPOSES POTENTIAL PERIL AT THE PORCH OF MRS. GRIMALDI! When that crappy but kinda hot Althea Klang attempts to drive me and Mrs. Grimaldi out of our minds by installing a phone charging station (a.k.a. a hipster loiterer magnet) right outside of our home, we take things straight to court! But as we try to plead our very endearing and straightforward case, we're derailed by an avalanche of differing opinions as a cadre of concerned citizens make their numerous differing opinions known. Every story has two sides, except for some (like this one) which have something like seven sides. It's a classic she said, she said, she said, she said case!

DISRUPT SUPER-VILLAINY IN GOTHAM CITY! Hello. This is Harley Quinn. Today, I'm going to be announcing three exciting new products coming from DC. A new way to disrupt super-villains without getting your hands dirty, a hilarious comic about a super-cute clown girl who everyone is in love with, and a story about an angry industrialist whose portfolio value is through the roof. Three products. Disrupting super-villainy, a super cute clown girl, and an angry industrialist. Are you getting it? Is this making sense?! I'm talking about the new issue of my comic! It's all in there. Hello? Is this thing on? Does anyone even read these things?????

GUNS, JERKS, AND STEALS! Every so often a girl's gotta stretch her legs, leave her comfort zone, get mortally wounded, thrown into an RV, and driven across the country on an involuntary road trip (a.k.a. I've been kidnapped)! The Gunbuddies are back and they've taken yours truly on an action-packed jaunt to Coast City. Will we all become best budz forevah, or am I gonna crash their RV into a concrete wall? One thing's for sure: by the end of this issue zoo animals will be running wild through the streets!

THINGS HEAT UP (AND COOL DOWN) WITH FIRE AND ICE! All I wanted to do was get kidnapped and go on a nice little road trip! Okay, I didn’t want to do either of those things, but now that I have...I would really appreciate not getting beat up by Fire and Ice and then being thrown into a jail cell with the two jamokes who kidnapped me to begin with! I’m a free spirit, and I swear I’m gonna get outta here no matter what! That’s a Harley Quinn Promise!

D'OH MOST DANGEROUS GAME! Don’t shoot me, bro! Seriously, if someone tranqs, tases, or shoots me one more time, I’m quitting this whole main character in her own comic book series thing! My mandatory road trip with the Gunbuddies comes to an end in a jungle where we’re hunted for sport by a rich jerkwad! Plus, the return of one of my greatest enemies and the birth of an unexpected ally!

200 FAST 200 FURIOUS! Two hundred issues, baby! We did it--I’m a certified bicentennial woman! I’m making my triumphant return to Gotham in style--in an oversize clownstravaganza! And I’m bringing friends! No, I’m not talking about the Gunbuddies or Convoy (though they are here too)--my very first artists, Terry and Rachel Dodson, are making their triumphant return to help tell a story about what makes me me. Plus, the epic final battle between wrong and wrong as I face down the Deconspirator in a fight for the future of Throatcutter Hill!

AIR PIRATES AHOY! Look, up in the sky! It's a bird! It's a Batplane! No, it's Colonel Blimp! Just when I thought I was done with ring-dings raining on my parade, a guy with a literal zeppelin shows up to rain on my figurative parade. It's an all-out battle in the sky! I'm gonna give this japlonsky a piece of my mind...or my bazooka!

THE DEATH OF ROMANCE! It’s finally time--Harley Quinn and Althea Klang go on a date...to the death! Honestly, I didn’t think I was gonna say yes to Althea, but then I got a ton of fan letters in the mail with your signatures on them demanding that I do it! You’re not gonna want to miss this outrageously spicy issue of Harley Quinn. And by spicy, I mean the food we’re going to eat!

I AM DA KNIFE! My body is full of DC K.O. energy! After the thrilling conclusion of our latest crossover, I’ve got a new lease on life--and it’s darker and grittier than ever! You know Batman? Well, you can call me Batquinn now! I’m like Batman, but I do things...a little differently! Bricks are gonna be flying tonight, baby!!!

QUITE SANE IN THE MEMBRANE! Okay, so I mayyyy have left a little something out of that last description. I ain't the only Quinn in town these days. Ya see, my rational, non-fun-loving brain parts have taken a body of their own, and she's claiming my doctorate as her own. You can't do that! I created Facebook! What do you mean she's wired in?! This is a real Dr. Jackass and Ms. Hyde situation, except we both got so tired of each other that we moved out and got our own bodies!

DON'T TOUCH THAT REMOTE! We got a real special show for you folks this month—you're gonna love it! I, the one and only true Harley Quinn, will be appearing for one night only on Throatcutter Hill's premier public-access TV station. Sure, the folks working there don't know it quite yet—but when I get there, I'm sure they'll see things my way and air my show! This is a real wacky one—we got so much formal experimentation in here that you'll be going Great Tom King's Ghost! by the end of the issue!

REIGN OF THE SUPER-COPS! Oy vey! I been facing off against my latest foe, the Monochromatic Man, and lemme tell ya something, this guy ain't messing around. He's turning my world into some kinda Dutch angle nightmare! But if that ain't bad enough, I got the whole dang GCPD after me too.

MEET THE HARLEY QUINN REVENGE SQUAD! It's me, Harley, versus my own greatest enemies of all time--the Harley Quinn Revenge Squad! They're so bad you couldn't find a hole deep enough to lock these folks away in! We've got the legally distinct hunter guy, the backward arms guy, the penny pincher, the corporate art security man, the tech bros, and the worst of the lot--the squad's shadowy leader! This one's so evil they’d make Lex Luthor's secret flower garden wilt with just one glare! One glare! Don't get me started on what'd happen with two!